Do Not, May Not, Must Never

legalistic shame, shame, shame

I’m so thankful I get to live following Jesus and His ways. The new covenant allows us to know God intimately without a long list of do not, may not, and must never. The grace-focused life of a Christ follower doesn’t encourage sin—never. We live with a heart that gets to follow, love, and serve a gracious Lord. Jesus paid the entire price for us to be reconciled to God. It is finished.

Jesus helps us in our sin and unbelief. He doesn’t shame us for being human, unlike the legalistic church.

Jesus doesn’t want you living in shame and bound to the standards of the law. He wants you to live in the freedom He died to give you. That means letting go of the need to be a "better" Christian. You can't be. No one can. What you can do is grow in your faith, deepening your understanding of Jesus and the grace He offers. That’s where true spiritual maturity lies—not in perfection, but in knowing Christ more deeply and depending on His strength.

Legalism encourages you to aim at perfection in all areas of your life, even though many legalists know they can never truly be perfect. But they strive to be "better," hoping others will notice their efforts. There’s always something to work on—parenting, marriage, generosity, discipleship, and more. While these might sound like admirable goals, they’re exhausting. The constant pressure to improve yourself in every area of life and strive to be a model Christian for others is unsustainable. The problem is, there’s no finish line. When is enough enough? When you follow every letter of the law? When you achieve the impossible standard of being just like Jesus?

Legalists chase holiness as if their lives depend on it, encouraging others to do the same. But the striving never ends because the goal of perfection is always out of reach. This lie of moral standards fosters constant fear—fear of failure, fear of judgment, and fear of falling short of God’s expectations. The weight of this fear can be overwhelming, leading many to hide their struggles to maintain the illusion of perfection. Legalists teach that you can fall from grace. That’s the worst lie of all. When you inevitably miss the mark, their judgment and shame follow swiftly. This legalistic shame is not the shame we can feel from sinning against God, leading to repentance and salvation. This shame comes from other Christians who believe you have failed in righteous living and meeting their standards of moral behavior.

It can take years to recover from this kind of religious shame.

God’s kindness leads to repentance. We all struggle and sin, and shaming someone for failing won’t help them and is cruel. And I promise it won’t leave you feeling better about yourself. It’s just as easy to offer kindness as judgment, but the long-lasting effects vastly differ. Kindness builds up; judgment tears down. Unfortunately, many Christians today, trapped in legalism, choose judgment, and shame abounds as a result. But the solution is the same as it’s always been— grace. The Church needs to return to the truth of the Gospel, where our acceptance is based not on our efforts but on Christ’s finished work alone.

Legalism is a heavy burden that God never intended us to carry.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1

We all make mistakes, fail, and sin because we’re human—flawed and incapable of leading perfect lives. For the Christian, accepting that life is a muddled mix of spirit and flesh is freeing and a key step toward healing from legalistic shame. The beauty of God’s grace is that He uses our messes, failures, and pain for good.

No life is too messy or heart too broken for God to use.

God knew every sin we would ever commit—past, present, and future—yet Jesus still chose the cross for us. Our only response is to believe in Him and receive His gift of salvation through faith. Jesus isn’t surprised by our imperfect behavior or impressed with our striving.

God's love for us is not contingent on our behavior. If Jesus doesn’t expect perfection from humans, neither should we.

The law, the old covenant, and the way to know God before Jesus were based on your performance. There were well over 600 commands from God, full of things not to do, see, taste, touch, hear, participate in, etc. The list was not limited to ten commands. Is this the way you want to live? Constantly striving, always failing, never being satisfied, and forever disappointing Jesus? Legalists seem to think so. At least, that’s what they teach and how they attempt to live. But it never works. That way is not the Christian life and not the life Jesus died to give us. You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of the old covenant to follow. It’s all or nothing.

I’m thankful for Jesus and His saving grace. What about you?

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9

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