Now I See
We are often blind to our sinful nature, and some people actually believe they can stop sinning altogether. If you doubt we are born with a sin nature, spend time with a two-year-old and you’ll change your mind. And I’ve never met a human being who lives a perfect life. We all sin and make mistakes, choose wrongly, and cause ourselves and others pain.
God has graciously given me sight, not only resulting in salvation but also changing the way I want to live. I don’t mean I chase perfection or live a sinless, perfect life. Our flesh and spirit are at war with one another our entire lifetime. God blessed me with insight into the areas of myself and my life that I want to change. I believe that while we each grow in different ways and at our own pace, we all mature in our faith. Does this growth always appear outwardly impressive? No. Often, growth isn’t visible to others, but it's always known to God.
I don’t strive for perfection for several reasons, one of which is that no one can obtain it. Pushing yourself that hard is a sure path to burnout. The amount of anxiety that accompanies that striving is never worth it in the end. And self-focus isn’t the way a Christian should live their life anyway.
I trust Jesus and His plan for my life (not perfectly-sorry not sorry), but do the best I can and believe that to be enough. I survived last year, and trust me, that was enough. I view my entire life as one of ministry, and frankly, I don’t know how else to live. My husband, Rick White, and I have always sought God’s priorities for our lives together and considered ourselves “in ministry” regardless of our chosen profession. Being a wife and mother is one of the hardest ministry calls ever.
Sometimes Rick was in vocational ministry, but for the majority of our marriage, this wasn’t the case. Yet we always take our faith with us. My husband and I live our lives. We’re normal, regular, average, everyday people. We make mistakes, try not to, rely on Jesus for everything, and try to show God’s love to people to the best of our ability. Again, we don’t do this perfectly all the time, but we try to do the best we can. This is all we can ask of ourselves and others. God will use us despite our often feeble attempts to be relatable to the unsaved. Remember, we are no different than them, except we have a relationship with Jesus. Live your life, bringing Jesus and your faith into every aspect of it. And never underestimate the power of simply being kind to people.
Now, for some religious people, this kind of life and ministry isn’t enough for them. They feel we could do better and that we can be better. Well, sorry to disappoint them.
That doesn’t mean I’m welcoming or embracing sin. God forbid! But it does mean I recognize God’s faithfulness and my need. I understand that I should trust God alone for provision and guidance, rather than relying on my own strength.
I have new sight. I don’t always have perfect clarity about my future, but I now see some things I never did. Most importantly, I have chosen to see how a passive-aggressive upbringing affected me and how I can make different choices for myself and future generations. I have seen things I can’t unsee. I have learned things the hard way. It has hurt and cost me. I’m sure if you’ve read this far, you can relate and know the pain of one kind or another. I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through. I know neither of us wanted any of this to happen.
I was blind in a few ways for a very long time.
