Night Swimming
and things waking you up at night
Sometimes, I cannot sleep in the middle of the night because I get lost in a pool of my thoughts and I call this night swimming. I wrestle with God about what’s concerning me, journal, pray, and think things through in the wee small hours. I wish I could sleep, but there’s something deep within me that I know I need to process and get out in prayer and on paper.
If I am awake night swimming, I will pray for a few minutes in bed and try to fall back asleep. It often works, except when it doesn’t. Those times are almost painful. I feel the tug to write, pray, think, and process my thoughts and feelings. I cannot stay in bed. It’s as if I can’t sleep because there’s something more important I need to do. The more important thing I used to do was rocking my babies back to sleep. Or I would be awakened by a sound I heard in the house and find a family member awake with a need I could typically fulfill. But now in the middle of my life, when I’m awake at night, I have to get up, head to my office, and get out whatever is swirling within me.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I hear from friends and family they too experience this. It isn’t just waking at night but accompanied by an almost urgent sense of what I must do before returning to sleep. Often, I open my Bible to the exact passage I need to read to bring peace to my heart. Prayers and tears flow easily and are healing. My middle-of-the-night writing is for personal processing 99% of the time. And there have been nights of insight, discovery, and growth that have blown my mind. The timing might not be my perfect choice, but I have been blessed because of my willingness to wake up and follow God’s lead.
I’ve learned to accept the waking as a gift rather than an inconvenience.
