Grieving The Living
Well, what did you do?
That’s often the first question you get when your broken relationship is revealed. Of course, it had to be your fault. You must have done something. And I bet it was evil.
It’s such a small-minded, completely judgmental way of thinking. And far too common, unfortunately. Especially in Christian circles.
What did I do? Not a damn thing.
We can do everything well—not perfectly, but really well—and still have people choose to leave our lives. We can be blamed for someone else’s sins, and still feel shame despite having done nothing wrong. Grieving the living is its own worst nightmare and not something we are ever taught how to handle, let alone heal from.
You can refuse to settle and choose to speak the truth in love. You can resist passive-aggressive behavior and decline to participate in gossip. You can refuse to go along to keep the peace, because what results isn’t actually peace at all. Those who have chosen to exit my life would benefit from having me in theirs. I am a courageous person, but courage is a choice. I choose to exercise courage in relationships because I love people and care about the truth. I did not choose to exit relationships. I left dysfunction behind and refuse to be quietly compliant. No, it’s still not always easy, but it does get easier over time as you choose to work on it every single day.
I work hard to change some things because it is right. My life is worth it. Future generations will benefit, too.
There are some things you refuse to compromise.
