Boundary Setting
is an act of self-compassion
Why do people struggle so much with setting boundaries? Demands are endless and expectations are high. Boundaries are essential for managing our well-being and preserving our peace. Have you noticed the people who resist your boundaries are often the same people who cannot set boundaries for themselves? They feel entitled to whatever they need with no concern for your boundaries if they recognize them in the first place. We have doors on our homes and those doors have locks. We have walls, fences, parental guidelines, and the ability to say no. Boundaries are not simply physical barriers but also include emotional, spiritual, and mental parts of yourself. Healthy individuals can easily navigate their lives when they impose boundaries on themselves and others and firmly adhere to those. Setting boundaries is a respectful choice and an act of self-love.
Physical boundaries are people you allow into your life, homes, workspace, and anything that comes into or in contact with your bubble.
Emotional boundaries are understanding your feelings and that they are separate from the feelings of others. Your feelings matter and give you more information to make decisions.
Spiritual boundaries are the truths you hold based on fact, evidence of that truth, and belief from upbringing, tradition, or your choosing. I am a Christian, I believe in Jesus, His sacrifice on the cross that paid the price God demanded for my sinful ways, and that I will rest with Him forever.
Mental boundaries are checks and balances of your internal state of being. We know we cannot always believe every thought, but our thoughts are our own. It is our internal climate of what we think about ourselves and others, our core values and beliefs, safety, knowledge, and communication.
Having and honoring certain boundaries helps me keep my core values as my core values. Knowing what I will and will not tolerate helps my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. For example, I try not to allow conversations or situations that can easily send me into an emotional spiral and damage my mental health. Sometimes these kinds of conversations and situations cannot be avoided and occasionally people can be cruel. They seek whatever end they desire without regard to how much pain they inflict. They want what they want when they want it and see no issue with attempting to acquire it at your expense. Typically they have zero peace in their life because they lack boundaries and have been expending all their energy chasing the wrong things in a futile attempt to garner that peace. It isn’t your responsibility, or mine, to help correct them at the cost of our peace and health.
Setting and holding boundaries takes courage, but you are worth it.
Knowing what you need each day is an important boundary and speaking up for those are vital to a healthy and balanced life. If others cannot respect the limits you set for yourself, you might not be able to convince them to do so, and maybe you shouldn’t. Many people are simply clueless about boundaries and respect. So, it’s time to teach people how to treat you. Each relationship needs healthy boundaries; if you don’t set them for yourself, someone else will. Decide what you will allow into your life and what you will accept. You choose. You decide. You hold firm.
